What if I told you I opened my eyes this morning and felt empty? What if I told you before I smiled this morning I cried? What if I told you, I felt alone even though my children are down the hall? Since I'm out here, let me go deeper. What if I told you I felt unloved and hungry for love?
Just what if?
And what if, it was true?
All these IF's were my reality this morning. I have learned my life, my pain, my moments are not just about me, but the pain is still real. I have to push through this to be able to help someone else close to me and far away. I said God where are you? Why am I feeling this way, even now? It wouldn't break. The feeling would go away. I went outside on my balcony and I couldn't sit still. I put on my clothes and went for a walk and the rain started.
The rain matched my tears flowing down my face. God, what am I feeling? I couldn't put a word on it as the my pastor was ministering the Word in my ear. Nothing was getting in. I could hear but not hear. I could feel and not feel. That's just real.
What if told you this is the very thing God said I am to help others get through. But God, I thought I was over this. I thought I was past this emptiness. Yet, this morning I am the WHAT IF again. IT'S ANOTHER LEVEL. THIS IS WHAT EVOLVING FEELS LIKE. It's not a pretty sight nor a blissful moment.
My soul needed something and I couldn't verbalize it.
I felt love couldn't find me and no one one wanted me to receive it . Not my children. NO ONE.
God, I need YOU! This is a SOS from your daughter. Don't leave me here in this ocean without a raft or someone to hold on to.
The emptiness would not leave..
As the rain poured on my body, there was no rush to get inside. I was in search of what would fill my soul and take away the emptiness. Yet, God.
THEN GOD... I pressed
I felt I was going to lose my mind, again. I felt tortured.
Yes the devil said, "but i thought you were a coach, aren't you supposed to help them?" That pissed me off, literally.
I set in my bedroom floor by the window. I needed my journal, my worship and music. I didn't care who heard the music or my worship, something had to break.
I remembered a song I heard yesterday. As I looked for it and opened my journal to write, I knew my What If, would be quenched.
#KierraSheard and #TashaCobbLeonard, "Something Has To BREAK brought my soul into a place of surrender. Yes God,Something Has to Break off my Mind. As I lifted my hands in surrender and worship, I chose to exchange the emptiness and hunger my soul felt, for God. God, Allow the bough to break. Everything that was holding me in place as a false sense of security, let it break NOW. A “bough” is a narrow limb of a tree. It is breaking and my soul is releasing. My mind is being set free. I am too full with God's Glory to remain where I've been. The pain in my soul this morning was my spirit no longer being at rest in the hiding place I secured for myself for so long. It can't carry me anymore.
My transparency will set someone free today as it sets me free. Yes devil God CALLED ME TO SET THE CAPTIVE FREE AND TODAY I AM FREE SO THEY MAY BE FREE.
Today My Wholeness is calling from a deep well within me. God I hear you and I am answering... Let the Bough Break...
Where are you? Are you hidden in the limb of your pain but afraid to vocalize it? Afraid to be judged? Afraid for the enemy to say, "I thought You were, I thought you said?" Shake the bough and allow it to break. Something has to break off you NOW. Shake your mind. Shake your heart. Shake your Fears. The time is NOW. Come out of the EMPTINESS and be free.
The comfort you stay in is no longer going to carry you. YOU MUST RELEASE.
God hears your prayers, NOW HEAR HIM
I am the Esther for the women God called me to. Yes God called me my heart answers.
You may be in a place right now where you don't understand and your soul is feeling empty. Fight Through it to your WHOLENESS. Something has to break. Something must break.
Will you be judged for VOCALIZING your pain? Maybe. RISK IT ANYWAY
Will you be understood for asking for PRAYER for the very thing you are to help others with? MAYBE NOT. RISK IT ANYWAY
ALLOW THE BOUGH TO BREAK SO YOU CAN BE PUSHED IN TO POSITION.
It is not EASY but NECESSARY for in you flow the rivers of life.
The pain is a REMINDER that your BOUGH is BREAKING and God is READY TO CATCH YOU...
God Bless, I'M RISKING IT IN ORDER TO HELP THOSE I AM TO SERVE...
Lynette M Bradshaw is the owner of Restore Her Worth LLC. She is a 2x Best Selling Author, Speaker and Coach. As a Coach She Specializes in helping women of faith to Heal their HEARTS. Join Her Community on Facebook, Owning My Wholeness