The pain of ending a relationship can last for a long time. As divorced moms, we don't only have to think of our pain, but the pain of our children. The end of the relationship, may not necessarily mean the end of the feelings you have for the other person. Because of this, you can believe and/or need closure in some way to go forward.
The need for closure means something remains open that requires something externally or internally for it to be finalized. Many times it is the wound inside our heart and soul that holds the pain of betrayal and much more. At some point, in order to move forward, you have to ask yourself, "What am I really expecting?"
Many times we remain stuck in pain because we are waiting for someone to admit they hurt us. This may not happen, so what then? Many times we remain stuck because of the fear of letting go or forgiving. So today, I ask you, " What does closure mean to you and how much power are you giving it?"
The apology you may be waiting on isn't coming.
The acknowledgement of the pain you have been caused by others isn't coming.
So if these are some of the things you are waiting on and they don't show up, what are your plans for your future?
So here are some other things to consider when working through pain to create your own closure:
1. Get real with yourself because you are the only one to help yourself heal. Getting real with "SELF" means you have to take responsibility for your own pain and healing. Giving this power and control to someone else, allows someone else to control when you heal and if you don't.
2. Seek the internal and external assistance you need to deal with the unaddressed emotions. Journaling is a great way to begin facing the emotions you still have at the end of the relationship. You can write what you feel and then ask yourself, "Why do I feel this way?" Why can't I let go of this emotion? What will my life look like when I get over this emotion? In doing this, you are owing what you feel and validating it. You are asking yourself the hard question of why "YOU" can't or won't let go and then you position yourself to visualize how your life will be different once you have done the work for healing to be in your life.
Sometimes getting real with what is needed to bring closure in your life, is hard, but it doesn't mean it is impossible. Realizing you want closure is actually a huge step. It means you have realized you are not in the "BEST VERSION OF YOU." You should applaud yourself for begining the process of bringing what you once believed and wanted from someone else and putting the power back in your hands.
You Go Girl! You are further along than you think.
Lynette M Bradshaw
I help divorced moms restore their emotional and financial independence using tools they already possess so they live the life they dream of.